Just getting back into the flow

"Seems like yesterday we were sixteen" - The Cranberries...
I must say that I enjoyed high school & the two people that made it EXTREMELY memorable are: Nanita & Ryane
We were the rebels...http://cranberriesfans.com/lyrics/ttfd/therebels.htm
& I wish you could hear this song & understand it -
but u wont...
We did the opposite of everyone else & always pulled it off..

"The Rumor" - Largo High School (used to be) known for: Pretty Girls & High Fashion - what it is today - I have NO Idea... In the mist of being put into an already promising situation (back then) 3 Leos arrised to GREATEST...
We were beautiful - we were fashionable - trying out trends from the 60"s, 70's, 80's & 90's - Playing models, being role models ... (Nita - I wish I had pics - maybe you can help me - but all I can do is try to explain) - Yall... we were doing it...
Ryane' - always came to school - with something on - shocking the masses
Me - with my hair (yes even back then - I was outrageous)
Nita - with her flow - with her "fuck em" attitude - no one knew she was a conservative thug, with a sweet african spirit...
"The Commons Area" - The pole - our territory - a place where everyone could watch our every move (& they did) - People knew us - we had know idea who they are (& didnt care) ... & still to this day - I meet people that claim they went to Largo & yet - I never knew their name...
We were surrounded and befriend by other girls (like us - yet NOTHING like us) that were admired in our school (& basically every guy wanted to sleep with)... laughing cause - those kinda crazy things makes people popular...
Instead of singing the tunes to the most popular - R&B or hip-hop song - we were MTV brats - talking about the girl who used tangerines in her hair...
"The Boys" - love to love ya baby... we only dated - the who's who - this include boys from our school - from other schools & private schools... Senior year - it was the college dudes...
"The Friendship" - Its hard to explain - me & Ryane' have been friends since middle school (8th grade) - me & Nita have been friends since (10th grade - health class)...Its funny - both Ryane & Nanita are the "only child" - this is funny to me because I am the youngest of seven...
In my eyes:
Ryane' - is sweet, classy, BEAUTIFUL black cocoa brown, class president, fashion-trend settler, most-likely to succeed, most likely to own a spa, most likely to become a doctor (no matter how hard medical school is), black art purchaser, always a hearty laugh, beautiful smile, beautiful heart, always loves & means it...
Nanita or Nia - is daring, she always had the boys telling me - "your friend is beautiful", a black panther if she could be, conservative thug, always trying to be tuff, loving because she didnt know how to do it half way, having fun, smokin a J - always thinking about something or looking out the window
p.s. & that was us - & this is how I decieded to come out of my hybernation...LOVE IS LOVE...

I will start with 3 thoughts...

Ive been gone -
But while Ive been gone -
Ive been listening and watching everything
- because I know that PEOPLE want me to hear them...
They have something to say & they need to use public means to speak their opinion...
I LOVE IT -
I LOVE the spoken word - it is rare

Being me - Its hard to be me
Being you - Is it hard to be you
doing the things you do
having your point of view

Day by - Day... we pray
but do we ASK for the right things

I wonder... what does God have in store
I wonder... why we try to do the opposite
- hoping that it will produce the appropriate
I wonder why the answer is in front of us
But all we see is the problem

Today is a blessing
but instead of me looking for someone to bless me
why dont I bless some one?

I'll sale it to you for - Free!

Be careful when you hear the word - FREE!
Because nothing is for free...

I received an email today in my junkmail box - titled: FREE Apple laptop
Should I click on this link - answer the survey - sign up for a service that I dont really need... just to "possibly get a free laptop" - that I may end up paying the shipping & handling for...
All to find out it this process wasnt FREE

Since, I became a recent Smoothie Junkie - I received a card that stated - your 10th one is FREE...
After I spend $5 to $6 dollars on each on these Smoothies - I receive one stamp - that will eventually lead me to the smallest size Smoothie
a reward
but its FREE

- I published this post - incomplete - because I can not go back to the moment when I wrote this almost 2 months ago - but I wanted to acknowledge my half thoughts

Did you notice...

Did you notice...
That I havent written a blog in a few days
Did you notice...
That while you were talking - going on with your life
That I was silent
What did you notice?
& when did you notice?

Today - if I could have a theme song I think it would be: FREE
http://www.eminem-planet.com/lyrics/d/destinys.child/destiny.fulfilled/09.html
If you have the Destiny's Child C.D. listen and enjoy...
If not, Go outside and take a deep breathe - close your eyes & fall back - not literally - but fall back into the comfort of knowing that - you have been caught -
When I was young - I loved to lay in the sun...
Its interesting how - when your eyes are closed
you can still see the light of the sun

Wit & Sarcasim

I admire the wit & sarcasim mix- & so I have just recently come across it in the form of a blog:
http://bruthacode.blogspot.com/
Please enjoy...

Coffee is my drug of choice

I read a book about a year and a half ago called -
Coffee Wisdom - 7 Finely Ground Principles...
Funny story is that I lost this book - with a very important number written in the back of it... Dang...
but anyhow - I choose the Last principle - to talk about today - because I havent had a good cup of coffee yet today & I keep wanting to reheat it - which is clearly against Principle 1:
Reheating Causes Bitterness
About Coffee: Coffee should not be reheated. Every time you brew a cup, it needs to be fresh. Make only as much as you plan to drink.
About Life: Don't rehash the past. Your past is the reason, not the excuse. Let go of what is gone.

Principle Number 7 - Is titled - Drink It While It's Hot
About Coffee: Drink you coffee soon after it is made. Coffee can be kept warm for only about fifteen minutes over a burner before the flavor becomes unpleasant.
About Life: Live in the present with an attitude of positive expectancy.
Everyday - I wake up & I dont think I expect anything -
I think Im just kind of going with the flow - allowing whatever thats going to happen - happen
Dealing with problems as they occur -
Dealing with life - like a deck of cards - hoping the rules wont change - Hoping the game doesnt allow wild cards -
Just Hoping...
This is apparently wrong - because nothing has changed
Well - thats not true - things are changing all the time - but Im only progressing at an "average" rate - my results are standard
& thus, I constantly - want to reheat my life - with temporary excitements...
I constantly want to upgrade my computer with the latest software..
I constantly look for ways to improve
I constantly read books and/or receive knowledge from successful - people & just stand there in awh...
but unable to move - in that direction because - my coffee is luke warm, or it doesnt have enough cream or needs more sugar...

Just about everyday - I write these blogs - and whats funny about it - is that if I was Oprah Windfrey... my blogs would be viewed on a daily basis by half of the world...
Every time - that lady says something - people listen & act - like she was the Lord God - Herself...
Im not sure if she wanted that
but maybe she expected that - & maybe she expected to make a difference in the world & it was something so simple that - right NOW - she can change her thoughts & have freshly brewed cup of coffee - ready for her to enjoy...

I expect the best -
I expect that peace surrounds me, walks with me and follows me where ever I go...
I expect unconditional love - and to be love unconditionally
I expect success - and not necessarily in the form of a BIG house or nice car & plenty of money to spend - Though it would be nice - Im not sure that that would be enough... But the success & prosperity - I expect is one that doesnt make me WANT for everything - because I have more than everything I could ever imagine..
I expect to meet people that will change my life in a positive way
& I expect to change other people's lives in a positive way
I expect to always be able to see the beauty in things
I expect a life that is above average
I expect to travel the road that others are afraid to go - because it involves trusting GOD...
I expect to be someone people want to hear
I expect to be someone people want to see
I expect that when I die - people will remember my life
I expect to make a difference...

P.S. I know that everyone knows that i LOVE coffee - and maybe coffee is not your drug of choice - maybe its birthday cake - maybe its ice tea - maybe its Pepsi - may be its gummy bears - may be its wine - maybe its a J - maybe its music - maybe its sex - maybe its GOD...
Maybe your perfect
But Im not...
I just want to expect the best...

Show me everything...

Its Spring... & to me that means a lot of things - for the area of Washington DC
The cherry blossoms - have come and gone
Soft ball teams are forming & NOW... Washington DC has a baseball team
(oh & by the way - this is my least favorite sport)
People are riding around on Motorcyles
Annacostia Park or Hanes Point is still a popular place to go - if you are trying to profile (and be ghetto)
Outside concerts & street feast are common
The sun doesnt set til about 9
People are coming out of the house - with less & less clothes on
Clubs are full
Most relationships are on Spring Break - being that guys always act funny around this time...
School is almost out
&... Tourist are everywhere in downtown DC
The come with their pouch purses,
cannon or nikon cameras - making it very obvisous that the are a tourist...
they travel in groups and disobey all the rules - we Washingtonians - have to abide by everyday their tour buses always have on there hazards - getting in the way...
& what these tourist are looking for in all our memorials and in the simthsonian -
they will never find... Because you cant show them everything...
Some of the building which may now read - The.... musuem - probably use to be where they sold slaves
U Street - has a Starbucks (that Im very much happy to see), a Thai Resturant, & a Big Azz Condomium (the Ellington) - but nothing that resembles the history of that street - other than Republic Gardens - which no on goes to anymore...
Everything has been changed to make it better - but what about "preserving" - You know they preserve certain areas in DC they feel is important - but who decides....
Why has DC - always been considered Chocolate City - but now... its like - someone changed the recipe & stopped using enough - Chocolate syrup in the milkshake...
Why is there sooooo much numerology involved in all the positioning and foundations of the important buildings in this city?
Why is that most places where the Chocolate people live/d now considered a HIGH commodity?
Why did that Pepsi commerical during the SuperBowl (with P.Diddy driving or getting a ride in the Pepsi truck) so factual to me... ?
Why is it - that I see that everyone is looking at us - to do something different - only for them to follow?
Why did I even start this?

p.s.. I just wish a tourist would ask me - I'd show them the ghetto...

Be who you are...

QUOTE:
Be who you are...
and say what you feel...
because those who mind
don't matter
and those who matter
don't mind.
I read this quote today on the bottom of an email & wanted to share it with the masses
I also realized that I receive less... and less emails - which means - either people are too busy reading my blogs
OR too busy
p.s. Call my crazy but I like to keep in contact with my friends - Persons I havent spoken to in a long.... time is probably Lonnie - I hope your tour is going well...
http://www.lonnieplaxico.com/

Stop trying to figure me out..

Your right Smurf...
My blog about "designer hand bags..." was very un-Carrie Bradshaw of me
& thus - I watched 4 espisodes of Sex in the City- to get myself back into perspective...
& thus - I want to mention that I prefer Channel (as a classic), Prada (for every day use), Louis Vulton (for when Im not in DC or any other metropolitan area that produces the fakes) & Dior for shopping....OH & maybe a Hermes to carry the potential pet I might borrow - for when I go to the park...
& thus - the main point of that blog - was to say - priorities before fashion - Im sorry, even Carrie learned that lesson - when she realized she didnt have enough money saved up to buy her apartment because she had over $40,000 in shoes...

ok... Talking Loud & Saying too much...
(Ok picture me writing this blog - as Carrie writes her article - setting in front of my computer - a Dell - drinking coffee - cause unlike Carrie - I can't drink a martini at work...)
When Carrie - met up with "Burger" - then second time - in the Hamptons... She did something that most women do sooooooooooooo often - We go on & on about ourselves, our lives, especially our complaints about whats going on with us & then we talk about our last relationship
Oh - NO - NO - NO - NO -No...........

I'll make this short & sweet (If I can)
I believe that what is in the past - is history so... why bring it into the present and/or future...
Dont give anyone - enough information for them to "figure you out" - its not that simple - you cant be "figured out" - but you can be understood and loved and appreciated - "for who you are"

p.s. if your life was a book - let each chapter - be something exciting and different & at the end of the story - let it be one that was worth reading

p.s.s. wrote this at 8:34 am - decided to publish it today...
I dont know what is wrong with this Blog - Ive had to change it 3x just so that the entire blog - could show up - maybe it has too much truth in it

Top 10 Reasons why I love to go to the south...

My Top Ten Reasons to Go to the South:

10. When else am I going to see Piggly Wiggly's?
9. Niggas with Gold fronts - an everyday thing...
8. I love a good front porch
7. "You wanna go... where everybody knows - your name" Cheers - but its something like it
6. Super Walmart
5. Speed limit is 70 - 75 miles per hour on the highway
4. Southern Comfort (not the drink - but hospitality) - unless you are staying with my grandma and she tells you everything - she DOESNT want you to do
3. Flow's Cheese Biscuts - that can make you gain weight from just looking at it...
2. The peace and quite and a still breeze
1. Hearing my Grandma talk about fat people & being encouraged to exercise more

C.Y.A.

C.Y.A. - also known as Cover Your Ass...

Why is it that whenever you start a new job - Everything about it is exciting? Everything about it has potential? They are paying you the right salary... They may take you out to lunch... If your not feeling well - Oh, well - stay home & here is MY remedy for that symptom... Blah - Blah - Blah...They dont mind when you come into work 5 minutes late - or back from lunch 5 minutes late... all until...
"We have a problem"
Well actually - its YOU who has the problem - because they have been keeping track of your bad habits - since DAY - 1 - taking notice - smiling in your face, saying that everything is alright - when its not...
Now let me pause here - because the purpose of this Blog is not to reveal anything that I have done wrong - but to observe what can possibly happen if I slip up. (or if YOU slip up)
I am glad that I work/worked as a flight attendant where being on time meant my job... Now I get to work on time... I am glad that when I worked at Smith Barney - that I had a difficult, high-maintance, sneaky, cold-heart boss... because it has taught me how to deal with those people when I HAVE to work with them...

Resume - Not only is this a man's world (thank you James Brown) - But its a WHITE man's world & every now and then - you may have "man" (BOSS) - thats gonna appreciate and respect diversity - especially when that diversity comes in the form of a Black Woman... (Im speaking specifically about me here... sorry) Then you may have a WOMAN - who has completly different motives - this is where it gets scary - this is why C.Y.A.'ing - should NEVER cease - because unlike me... Most women Bleed - every month - which means - you can be on their list - every month, at any given time... Keep yourself in check by wearing a pad or a tampon - soak up all the negativity & then trash it (repeat once a month - or whenever the symptoms returns...)

I think it is important to do your job well - because you can and will be replaced
I think it is important to expect as much of your boss (even co-workers) that they expect from you
I think it is important to build friendships - but dont get into the office politics - because next month all your business will be in the office newsletter
I think it is important to grow - and if you dont feel growth - dont stay in a job - just because your comfortable... No one benefited necessarily in a comfortable situation
I think it is important to be positive - even when people are trying to make your environment hostile...
I think it is important to take a lunch break - get away from your desk & breathe
I think it is important to work Smart - not Hard (Smurf... you always said that)
I think it is important to Love what you do
I think it is important to present yourself in a way - for people to take you seriously - because you want them to take you seriously
Lastly, If I havent already stated it in this blog - I think it is important to Cover Your Butt - write down what you do, what you have completed, who you spoke to, who held you up on this project (not making excuses), how fast you completed something, keep correspondence, in some cases - cc: a person, double check, ask questions and when people tell you what great job you did - tell them to tell you boss...

p.s. you may come to work everyday 5 mins early for a month - but the one day - you come in late by 10 -15 minutes - they remember that & forget everything else you have done... I guess its easier to remember the bad stuff...

designer bags and "NO" money inside of them

Dont Be...
Dont Be...
A -
Follow -
Fashion -
Monkey...


D.C. is full of super-fical people.... ESPECIALLY - the WOMEN!!!
Especially the WOMEN - riding the bus - with Designer bags - that could possibly go towards a car - or a better apartment - or a bill - so that they can get outta debt - or to their kids college fund - or to a lot of shit (Im sorry - I just feel like cursing today)...
If you have a designer bag & NO money inside of it - you are living in a fantasy world
a world composed of - YOU - trying to be a fake Julia Roberts (from Pretty Woman) - wanting to... hoping to... get sweep a way from a rich man - who will turn you from a hoe - into a housewife (aka Mrs. Kobe Bryant)
Do you know - how crazy that sounds?
Do you know - how crazy you look with a missing hub-cap & a "supposely" $800 dollar bag...?
Must we tell the Pastor's in church - to start preaching about priorites...
Must we put you on frontstreet - which is the only way - that you will be able to afford that bag...
Was it a gift? - thats fine...thats understandable... you couldnt help that (by the way good job - droppin it like its hot)

Sandy... There is way too much to discuss on this topic you gave me - so I will end here - with a future to-be continued...

p.s. What about the designer bags - that the Africans make & sell & its not even an offical design of that company - what would we call that?
p.s. Please refer to my blog on upgrades -

Upgrading on a regular basis...

Life is a series of upgrades...
Q"ondrae said it best
http://qdrae.blogspot.com/2005/04/day-one-life-as-series-of-upgrades.html
I've upgraded to a Treo 600 - but still its NOT the best
Ive down-graded to a cheaper apartment in Capitol Hill
& it was for the best
I may not be a flight attendant at the end of the month...
But I still can fly for less
I talk to GOD and ask him to give me the answers
whenever I fail a test

Step 1 - What to do with the OLD Software?
Please be advised that computer softwares are updated every 6 months.
We suggest you - Delete &/or Remove - old software & replace with a newer version

STEP 2 - What Software is most compatiable to my computer?
Please be advised that software you can purchase on a payment plan (i.e. Dell or Gateway)
are not compatable with your Apple computer
Yes, you may be paying more for the product - but its worth it!

STEP 3 - How do you install?
Quickly remove from the hard-drive...
Please keep in mind - that it wont hurt you
Keeping in mind that it will delete all memory
Input - the best software - thats out there
Dispose old software at your nearest - Salvation Army

STEP 4 - Always scan your computer for viruses
especially before you open any attachments

p.s. How do you upgrade - a dophin?

Well... how about - if I hate you? Would that be better?

I LOVE YOU -
I love you is a feeling
- an overwhelming feeling - most people can not control-
-Unfortunately, when I love someone - I can not do it - Half-assed...
-I say its unfornately, because - it is then that LOVE is tested

I love you is a phrase
People say it
Some mean it
Others take it for grant it
Many, never know what it FEELS like to have it

I love you is a choice
-Deciding that someone is worthy of your LOVE - is not an easy decision
-Deciding that someone makes you feel LOVED - is not an easy comprehension
-Deciding that someone will take your love & give LOVE back - is a risk

I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU
- a state of being-
-a state that can change
-a state as unpredictable as the weather (even though its mid 60's - its still cold)
-a state based on mood


Love - x - I'm in love with you = I HATE YOU

I recently had a conversation with someone - well actually - I just listened
I listened to them - express their "view" on LOVE...
I listened to them say - like many before them -
why they DONT SAY I LOVE YOU
(mind you this was not a topic I created)
I listened because - somethings are just NOT worth -arguing about
& LOVE is just not one of them

Who can say - they LOVE better
Who can say - I'm in love with you - is better - than...
I LOVE you

No - one actually...

Well...how about - if I hate you? Would that be better?
Did I have to LOVE you first?
Did I have to LOVE you a lot... first?
Did I have to fall in LOVE with you?
Did I have to change my point of view?

p.s. Might as well - jump on the bandwagon & be a hater....

why does weave makes us look and feel better

To weave
or not to weave
- that is the Question?
Question: why do I weave?
Not because Im baldheaded - Im sure - you'll believe?
Not because my hair wont grow
Not because you tell me so
But just because... AND I feel damn good about it...

First off - Thanks Sandy for giving me such a GOOOOOOOOOOOOD topic/title to discuss
Secondly - let me point out the fact that Sandy - had never did a weave (or braids) until she met me - but now - she's addicted to the stuff...
Not because of - all of the above
But simply because...

Many of you do not know this - But I practically cut all of my hair off - last year to a Halle Berry cut. (but guess what - in just one year my hair - comes to the bottom of my neck & its THICK as hell)
Many of you do not know this - But I do this (cut my hair) soooooo often that even I got tired of it
Many of you do not know this - But Ive had my hair in just about evey color you can image...
Many of you do not know this - But I've had my hair in just about every style you can image... (natural or straight)
Hair has always been my thing
If my hair doesnt look good - I DONT FEEL GOOD
Some women get their nails done - Im not right - unless my hair is done!

I am some what "envious" of women - who have the "so-called" GOOD HAIR & actually thats Sandy - but as she realized - its boring - it offers no room for change...
Most women - with long hair - have a good THREE hairstyles
Then - if your hair is Too short - your in the same catergory...

I believe weave makes us feel good - because - it offers diversity - with out the Risk...
Say - I want to try a new hair color - I can put a weave in that color
If I like it - I'll keep it & maybe - make a permeant change on my own hair
If I hate it - it only cost me the hairstyle - not damage to my hair

So many celebs are weaving it up... all the way down to your "precious" Halle Berry & it has nothing to do with the fact that her hair "can" grow - she just wanted a quick style & a different look...
Then we have to think about Beyonce (and Brandy)- whom - we cant say that we will ever know the "REAL" length of their hair - but do you think Jay-Z cares - HELL NO - he's still getting that Booty - everynight & pulling on that weave...
Actually - Beyonce is almost a perfect example - of what weave offers in terms of diversity...

I feel confident about it - cause I know that I have hair & with every look - I have attracted a different person to my environment
& if you dont have hair - make sure you get a good enough - weave - so that people cant tell that its yours... DO NOT - get the girl in the neighborhood - that knows how to put her own weave in to do yours - if it does not look NATURAL (this is the key)

Most men - hate weaves - so what do you do about it??
You get one done - that is sooooo Natural - even he can tell - but let me tell you that a "good weave" can cost you...
Taking pride in your appearance is an everyday thing
Its starts with first - waking up in the morning - looking yourself in the mirror & saying - "HI BEAUTIFUL!" p.s. knowing that & doing that is only half the battle (G.I. Joe.....LOL!)

TRUE BLUE

My dear friend Sandy - has demanded her blogs - by 9:30 am - right after the morning news...
This has been difficult for me - because I seem to gather my material during the day and/or I get busy at work
There are occassions where I think of what I want to say the night before - but - I dont want to put out incomplete thoughts...
Today - I would like to shed light on "male friends"Not the kind that are your friends - waiting for you to break-up with your "boyfriends" - hoping to get the rebound sex - but the true blue... BAH - Yo... you are my dog (dawg) - when, I thought I hated dogs - I found a dog that I could play with -that wouldnt discuss me,that wouldnt try to lick my hand, my face or try to get me to throw it frizbees...
Everytime I talk to you - you always say something that I need to hear & I havent forgot about our pack - that we actually signed in Booeymongers - years ago - to be successful... I believe its still gonna happen (and so do you)!!!
Yesterday - I saw Bah (finally - its been a while)& I laughed for an hour...The entire hour that I talked to him... Bah - you are soooooo silly & I really want to put you on frontstreet about that second hand smoke thing...
I can tell you how we walked to Ryane's grandparents house & stayed there for an hour
I can tell you how we stood on the streets of River Terrace & reminsced about - what we did when we were younger
I can tell you how Bah is in denial that he's gained weight (LOL)
I can tell you how he has supported every crazy idea that I have thought to do
I can tell you how he's always kept in touch (even after I stopped talking to him - while I was dating Dominique)
I can tell you so much
-But I'd rather say - Bah... I appreciate your friendship

p.s. Ray - you are a good friend too - just dont try to hook me up - with anymore of your friends - LOL!!!!

"Dont worry if I write rhymes - I write checks"

In the great & wise words of - Puffy - P. Diddy - Sean Combs
"Dont worry if I write rhymes - I write checks"
He's right & thats exactly what he's doing right now - writing checks...
Not only to Kim Porter (his on again/off again love interest & baby mama)
but to the other girl - whom we dont & may nevre know her name - but thank God she continued to take him to court & demand that he write a big fat check to her - for back child support...
The sad thing about it - is if the child told his friends who his daddy was... they would probably laugh - they would probably ask - how come he dont have this & why dont you have that (kids are cruel)
In life, you pay for the things you do - in one way or another...

I just want to take a moment - to change the subject:
Im at work & read an email that my boss just sent out & cc: to me - instead of telling you what it was all about - I will get to the point that... she wants people to feel sorry for her & I dont know why
Someone asked a question & her response was to explain to her that she can contact me - because she will be out of the office for surgery & this is the sixth time she's had the surgery & all of the surgeries were successful...blah - blah - blah - blah
WHY JUDY!!!
why do you wanna put yourself on front street... That space is reserved for homeless people, alcholics, crackheads & such...

Look write yourself a check TODAY!
in the memo - title it "peace of mind"

Miltary... on the contray

Why... Is my friend Tony - trying to get me to join the Army? (he's a recruiter now)
Why... is he tripping?
Why... is he trying to promote me paying off my student loans - as a benefit?
What is his freakin problem?

No Sir
Yes Sir
No Ma'am
Yes Ma'm
I dont do -

I dont say-
I wont say-

Uncle Sam
Uncle Tom-
where green
where brown
Jump up!
Sit down!

all I see is commands
all I hear is demands
-i can do bad all by myself...

p.s. Tony I didnt go to college to be a miltary officer - duh

Dont sweat the small stuff

Dear God:
Im on a budget
So can you please turn my water into wine
(preferrably White Merlot)
but kind would be fine...

Everyone I know is going through something
Money issues
Family issues
Relationship issues
Love issues
When are we going to let go & let GOD? (Ive heard people say this before - but its true)
I use to tell myself - "Dont sweat the small stuff"
my - have I gotten away from that -
I sweat everything - down to not finding the right color to paint my room -
...now is that really an issue
No
but - I sure did make it one

Just about every girlfriend - I have (except 2 that come to mind) are concerned about getting married -
They wonder when they're going to get... married
How long will it take for them to get... married
Getting older - I need to get... married
(this is the least of my worries)... not to say I dont think about being "alone"
but I DONT think about marriage
only detail that Ive planned about my wedding - is that it would be at night
(by the way - the best wedding Ive been to so far- was Simone's - in Jamaica - now my friend Ray is talking about marriage - really whats that about?)

why - have we - "women" spent so much time in our youth - planning our wedding - but not planning our marriage -
because we worry about the wrong stuff
Too busy worrying about - how nice - how expensive - how creative - how different our wedding is... (to the public)
Spending less time - thinking - how much in love we are with the man - we hope to spend the rest of our lives with...

Yesteday - when I visted my mom:
Her patient is 87 years old - she has brain cancer & she has alheimers (I know I spelled that wrong - oh well - not worried about it - you get my point)...
She is a very brilant woman - She was the first teacher to end segregated schooling here in Prince George's County - She later became a the first principal - was on the school board, ect...
She has travelled abroad to different countries & basically lived a full-life. (I guess I did a mini-bio on her - LOL)
Anyhow - Everytime I go over there - which is atleast once a week - I have to introduce myself
But everytime I go over there - she always says something - thats sooooooooo enlightening - as I depart I want that - but I guess its something that comes with age

Ok - so she has pictures everywhere - & this particular time - she choose to show me the pictures of her husband (who is deceased) -
This is what she said as she showed me the picture - this is the love of my life & the love of my children's life - & so on & so on...
my mom - had to tell me his name (Spike) - but thats how she remembers him & I want that more than I want marriage

p.s. My memory is bad - but I wont forget, what's important
p.s.s Lewis - you told me to stop being so negative

Observation

Yesterday afternoon - while in the park - I observed the following things:

a Toys R Us kid - at the age of 25
A puddle of water to an adult, is...
dirty - plain - something to avoid - something the rain left -
A puddle of water to a child, is...
a game - a pool - something to kick - some thing to throw rocks at - just to see it splash

If we used out imagination more - I wonder if we would see more potential - in just an ordinary puddle of water

Table for Two
How often do you see someone - out by themselves?
Are they waiting for someone? (you hope)
Maybe they are not alone - because the phone is to their ear & other people can see that - they are clearly talking to someone
But what about dinner
& what about a movie
& what about in the car - during HOV
do we crave - to not be alone?
What's that look mean? - if they say "table for two" & you say "table for one"?
Are you expected to leave a bigger tip - to compensate?
& Are you expected to finish your food faster & not hold -up the table - so that a bigger party can take your place?

Bitch means female dog
I noticed this dog yesterday in the park & I guess it was a girl because she had what appeared to be nipples...
Not knowing too much about dogs - I noticed how human she was
she had a slender shape -
she had a ill walk (switching)
looking around for male dogs
completely aware of her environment

Let's say that the dog's name was Carla (first name that came to mind) -
as a dog - Carla wouldnt mind being called a Bitch - because thats what she is...
as a female - I wouldnt want to be called a bitch - not because thats not my name - but because thats not my species...
I wonder what would make Carla (the dog) get mad - if another dog, her owner, or someone she knew called her out of her species?

p.s. Isnt it funny how we look at things differently

Excercising my thoughts

Taking some time - to myself
I went to the park
to
find out what it feels like - to be alone...

Everyone's got some one
Even if some one is on the phone

or the dog - wants you
or the sun has you
laying in the shade - watching GOD
watchin clouds - making shapes
out of them
the sky is so blue

every day - I think of you...
but Not today - I think of me
I think of all the things I wanna be
I think of all the things I wanna see

I close my eyes to blackness -
but I still see the light