Thursday, August 31, 2006

Read this today...I Likes

If looks could kill - What's my body count?

Boring

So I get a little sensitive at times - SUE ME
But rememeber you wont get your money.

This week
and last week
and maybe the week before that (Im in a blah)
My Body has been screaming - take a break! We need a vacation- your working us too hard.
Today at the office, I cant even recall what I accomplished other than paying some contractor to clean the carpet and checking my blog and email every 15 minutes.

Wven when I went to the gym and it was whack.

What am I gonna do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im boried and that's such a dangerous thing for me.
The weather is too crappy to really do anything this weekend - no Florida, most of the beaches on the East Coast are out - like I said blah....

Anyway, I had a lot of good thoughts earlier in the day (I love it when the mind is fresh) I wrote a bomb-poem (that I forget because I didnt have neither paper nor pen to write it down with) the best thing about it - what that the poem was about GOD, I mean I could get some folks "SAVED" - Speaking a which - quick thought, should we really call it SAVED - I prefer saying, I'm Safe - what do you think?

Then, I spoke to an old friend - who just so happen to be a passenger on one of my flights from when I used to be a flight attendant. (Dont even ask me) He's been telling me how he's made a change in his career and its going well. I love hearing stuff like that - like I always say - when you are operating in your purpose or gift - there is a blessing inside of it!

Getting tired now - gonna go finish this book,
I wish I had somebody to walk up behind me and kiss me on my next though (SHUT UP that's the boredom talking)

Defensive? Sensitive? or Ready to beat a B*^$% A**

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Who's all up in "MYSPACE"

Okay Yall... I recently joined... (drum roll please)
MY SPACE (yikes)
Yep - me and all the other billions of people (all over the world)

Interestingly - Im noticing that many people (who I dont know) what to be my friend?
What's that all about (time to explore) I've taken it upon myself to ask anyone who wants to be my friend - WHY?

So, you go on myspace - set up your account - post some blogs, pictures, songs, videos (nothing like blogspot.com which is more private) and within a short period of time you notice - someone wants to be your friend. Whether its a band or a person - this is a good site for anyone who is lonely or feels like they cant make friends (the key is put a really sexy picture of yourself on the space - they'll never know - lol... Just kidding - unless your gonna do it).

So far I've received request from guys, girls, artist, bands, models, ect. I would like to get a few more celebs on my space because it seems like the more friends you have the better.
Anyways come check me out: http://www.myspace.com/billioniaregirlsclub

Disclaimer: This myspace account is currently being used for research purposes

I like this one -

When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin.
"I'm whispering "I was lost,"Now I'm found and forgiven.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumbleand need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weakand need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say.. "I am a Christian
"I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visiblebut, God believes I am worth it.
When I say.. "I am a Christian
"I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinnerwho received God's good grace, somehow.
Author ~Maya Angelou~

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Self-esteem

Interesting definition I heard on self-esteem
First - from the dictionary:
1 -Pride in oneself; self-respect.
2- A sense of one's own dignity or worth: amour-propre, ego, pride, self-regard, self-respect
(Thank you, answers.com)

Second - ME
I guess if I had to pick a meaning I would go with EGO, being that I seem to have a semi-large one. I mean on most day - I "chalk it up" (slang) to the fact that I'm a Leo, http://www.astrology-online.com/leo.htm (I can teach you, but I'll have to charge - Yeah, well she and I share the same birthday) not to mention - that I've been told almost all my life, how beautiful and special and creative and talented and.... I am.
Wow...I didnt realize - how much of a sponge I am - soaking up every last bit of it. Now when I receive a complement, if its something I've heard before -my mouth is saying thank you, but my mind is saying "I know".
Now adays - I crave complements, that I've never heard before, something on the lines of stunningly gorgeous (that surely would make me smile).


Third - What was said
To often we only focus on the word "esteem" by the way, which is a verb - meaning someone else needs to do (all) the work.
Definition:
To have a high opinion of: admire, consider, honor, regard, respect, value. Idioms: look up to, thinkhighlymuchwellof. See praise/blame.
To recognize the worth, quality, importance, or magnitude of: appreciate, cherish, prize1, respect, treasure, value. Idioms: set store by. See praise/blame.
To look upon in a particular way: account, consider, deem, reckon, regard, see, view. See perspective.
But actually, its SELF- esteem... So all these definition you see above, if your not: cherishing, appreciating, praising, admiring, considering, honoring, valuing and RESPECTING yourself - No one else is gonna.

Its starts with you , remember I asked yesterday who sets the bar in this case, that would be you

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Aint this a trip!!!!!!!!!
Ever since I moved into this neighborhood (over a year ago)
I have/had this neighbor - (male of course)
who has been/was flirting with me and saying slick stuff out of his mouth (an older man, of coure)- all which I politely ignored and or gave him the dumb look (which seems to work in most situations)
However on the last (flirt) occassion, when he felt inclined to comment as the strap of my shirt slid off my shower (and his comment - "take it off") ... Bye the way, I wonder what do you say to an individual that is so desperate for attention (dont show them any) and ignorant
... I ignored, I kept walking, I laughed (to myself), I made comments to myself (out loud) like... Wow - followed by more laughing.

PUSH LINE:
Went in my house and within 10-15, door bell rings (hmmm...) I go check the door to find this lady (looks familar) standing on the other side.

CONVERSATION:
Me: Yes may I help you
Lady: Hi, I just wanted to ask you if my husband has been flirting with you
Me: (huh) Umm... who are you speaking of? as if I didnt have a clue
Lady: Well I thought I walked in on something and "he" being a man is going to lie (thats right girl) - So I decided to come to you as a woman not to start any problems, but because we live in the same neighborhood.....I can't have this man out her disrespecting me like that
Me: Well - let me make sure I'm accussing the right person, does he drive the black truck
Lady: that's actually my truck - but YES
Me: Okay - we'll thats him (my work is done!)
Note:(I didnt include the part of the coversation where she tells me that they live together, have children, blah - blah - blah, I mean just plain trifflin)

CURRENTLY:
Telling on ole boy has made my life uncomfortable
Just when I thought I was helping this lady out - now when I see him, Im try not to look in his direction for sake of her catching him - looking at me (which he cant help)...

This is some BULL
and I just wanted you to know this happened in July (is it time to get over it - he's probably so pissed at me-hahahahaha - thats what you get)

However...Enough is Enough
give me back my freedom to walk the streets and be starred at !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesson here Ladies: Under no circumstances, should you let a man disrespect you
Lesson her Men: You might win some - but you really lost one (I wish that was an orginal, but I actually stole that from Lauryn, that girl is good)

Blue

Starring at the computer
what to do?
what to do?
rather be a home
balled up in covers
watching something on the tube

today is that kind of day
where im not feeling my best
something about life - makes me feel like Im settling for less

God u see me
but what do you see
outside - im glam
but what's inside of me

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

B-more

I made this joke (kidding around with a friend) - saying that Baltimore is whack... its a rest stop in between DC and NY. I even smile as I write this because its kinda cold to deny the city of its rights.
Anyhow - I want to apologize and show some love
http://www.beautyinbaltimore.blogspot.com/

Baltimore... your still growing on me

I'm not sorry - its human nature

i dont know why but I find comfort in revealing myself (my mistakes). It takes the edge off of trying to be perfect. I mean who set the bar anyway - no me...

I dont kow why but I almost want to make a mistake a day - just to be reminded of how human I am.
Small mistakes - that I think I should get away with:
  • forgetting to make my bed in the morning
  • snoozing way too many times
  • leaving a dish(es) in the sink
  • not drinking enough water
  • not returning a call or calls
  • not ironing
  • skipping breakfast
  • drinking too much coffee
  • not wearing any make-up
  • pimples (yes I get them all the time)
  • running out the house with out deodorant (because I think Im European)
  • eating McDonalds (upsetting my stomach every time)
  • eating ice cream from Maggie Moos - for dinner
  • forgetting to cancel appointments
  • forgetting to shave my legs
  • forgetting things period
  • not valuing my own opinion
  • letting too many people give me their opinions (advice)
  • letting too many people in my business
  • over thinking
  • over processing
  • over analyzing
  • over doing it
  • being too generous
  • being a people pleaser
  • being a push over
  • being moody
  • being me

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Hung Up

Schools in session

This year - school (in PG County) starts on "my" birthday
So I'm taking this opportunity to teach a very important subject:
Why Men Love Bitches
Men you may follow along - but obviously this course isnt for you - feel free to comment - I would like to know if you think I'm right or wrong

Now that I've signed you up for this course - Tell me are you a "Nice Girl"?

(Please Take Notes)
The Nice Girl = overcompensates, gives everything she has to a man she barely knows, doesnt allow the man to invest much of anything into the relationship. She will go along with what (she believes) her man likes - in order to be liked. And at all costs wants to hold on to the relationship.

There is only one answer YES or NO (No explainations - PLEASE)
1. Do you feel guilty when you say no, or do you say no and then second-guess yourself?
2. Do you often try to tell your partner that you want to be treated with respect?
3.Do you find yourself bartering or negotiating for want you want or need?
4. Do you often pass up sleep or the need for persoanl time to meet his needs?
5. Do you regularly see him on short notice when it is convenient for him?
6. Do you find that you repeat what you've asked for as though he didnt hear it the first time?
7. After a fight, are you always the first to contact him or apologize?
8. Do you find you are much more doting and affetionate than he is?
9. Do you often feel depleted after he has been with you?
10. Do you constantly want more attention or reassurance?

If you have answered YES to 5 or more of these questions -you are giving Far more than you are receiving.
Disclaimer #1(This Quiz comes directly from the Why Men Love Bitches - handbook, its a must have in your "self-help library)
Okay so this is what you can do - You can follow along & I promise I wont be able to do this every day - but since I've become somewhat nicer than what I use to be - I just wanted to be reminded why that is an absolute NO - to the NO
Disclaimer #2 - This does not all mean that I am a bitter female who can not get a man or want a man. I actually want to be in a loving, trusting and respectful (mariage) relationship - Just dont get it twisted.
Happy Birthday Nia!!!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Drive Safely

"If we werent suppose to turn around - then why does a car have stirring wheel? " Lauryn Hill
Listening to Lauryn Hill today - the MTV Unplugged CD, so you know she was....... (WAIT!) let me think about what I want to say here.

Do I want to say she was acting crazy because that is what everyone deemed her to be (at the time).
(pondering) she wasnt the "Lauryn" we got used to and accepted - The funky style, secular mixed with spirtual lyrics, even reading the Bible at the Grammy's - we accepted all of that and crowned her with the (Pop) Hip-Hop title

What do I want to say? (in that blank space)
That she was speaking the truth? - cause she was
As I quoted one of the several inspirational, aspirational comments she spoke to the crowd, through the CD - I decide how I want to fill that blank
She was being real -
and although people often think they "recognize real" - most of us are are unfamilar with its features.
I often laugh whenever I hear myself repeat what my god-mother said to me once..."common sense isnt that common"
Same is true when it comes to recognizing the "realness" in people
So sorry folks - you wont get any negative comments on this blog-site about Lauryn Hill
Today - I'll use my powers for good not evil

Drive Safely
& remember when you feel like you're lost or getting further & further away from your destination - there is power in a U-turn

Addition

I dont wanna be your other half
I believe
One + One = Two

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Your spinning me around
my feel are off the ground
I dont know where I stand
do you have to hold my hand

Monday, August 07, 2006

Dealing with the fact that Im "special"

Most people in my life - take an interest in me, as if Im such an Extraordinary person (eventhough I am) - This only make me (at times) put pressure on myself to "perform" (although making people smile comes naturally).

But that aint me
I sometimes say
Who are you
to stand in my way
a piece of mind
I have to give
for me alone
I want to live

I like to be kissed
but not a first
I hold it all in
until I burst

I know what they mean
when they say
a curse and a gift
read in between the lines
until u catch my drift

I wish I could make it
more plain
but I wont
tell me - what to do
but dont
tell me - love is untrue

I'll keep trying
until I die of it
its alright
if I cry a bit

I keep looking at the road of ahead
they keep telling me
rockin roll is dead
they musta been talking about the beattles instead
cuz i keep hearin the sound
chanting my name
as I got knocked down
I get back up
cause I can not loose
I say it to u
but u must be confused

Still smiling and dancing
while I regain my composure
its gonna take the best of me
to prove to you - what I told ya

I didnt know I could take a hit like this
I was sure I didnt wanna deal with this

But there's no one else here but me

Its no one's responsibility
to fulfill my destiny

Once I realize what I gotta do
I cant fail
even if I wanted to
I must prevail
Even though I wasnt trying to

its what's inside of me
and I cant fight myself no more

See, that was not on purpose

Back then: When I first began this blog journey I often talked about how I hated the fact that people would put me in a box called Sean (business name), Shonda (what my family calls me), Laseandia (my biological reference, Im still figuring out), Hamani ( a split personality), or even "that girl."

Sometimes I make mistakes yall and it seems like I have more people watching my fall than the average (N) - Dont watch me - Watch TV
P.S. Some of yall need Jesus - and Im not kidding
You keep tryna do everything on your own and you aint really doing it
What's gonna happen when it all falls a part?