Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hiding

We used to talk - all the time
We used to laugh - all the time
We used to say I love you - during the times (when we needed to hear it)

I used to feel you - through out the day
I used to love to hear you say... anything
A look
A stare
A glare - from you
Now I feel invisible to you

Look at the BIG Picture you say
Would you mind
Hanging the portrait another way
The colors arent clear

Words dont have the same affect to you
Why I feel such disrepect from you
But you say - its in my mind...

Its not like me
NOT to worry
Its so like me
to worry
especially about things I dont know

I never had someone
play hide and seek
with everything
I count to 10
come - out, come-out...where-ever you are
I dont see anything

Indian Giver

I wish I was an Indian Giver - so I can take back all my shit (like they did to the pilgrims)
all the things you stole from me
reclaim what was owed to me

On my mother's - mother side of the family - Cherokee Native American (Indian)
On my mother's - father side of the family - Blackfoot Native American (Indian) and some where down the line, I was told about some Ethopians.
On my father's side of the family - who knows - some days - who cares, until I remember that its part of me

There is something about taking something back - like how I do (or would do) if I brought a product from the store and realized after bringing it home - this is not what I wanted (anymore).
Thank God... I saved my receipt
Makes you wonder why we sometimes throw away or lose a receipt
In the line -
waiting my turn
until the cashier request for me to come to her
and then she says
Question: "What's your reason for returning this item today"
Answer: It didnt fit right
Answer: It didnt work
Answer: I brought the wrong thing
or
Answer: Just dont want it

Talking about U

I cant really talk about you
because nobody is suppose to know about you

I cant belive how much I talk to you
Its soooooo good to talk to you

I dont like complaining
I hate feeling sorry
feeling sad
feeling blue

but I can be myself
I am myself
when I'm talking to u

What is the "lesson" when you dont realize that life is a school?

(Interlude)
Woe is me...
Some lessons are learned the hard way
Some lessons are hard
& Some lessons need to be remembered
or you will be caught offguard

Some lessons are true or false
Some lessons are multiple choice
Some lessons are fill-in the blank
or an essay in which you must express your voice

All lessons are meaningful
none are meaningless


What is the Lesson when you dont realize that life is a school?

We are constantly learning - something
about ourselves
about others
about this world
about God
about His nature
about the way things go
about "the game"
about "the rules"
about love
about history
about geometry
about psychology
about stuff............................................................

So excuse me if I ask you the same question more than once

" I'm convinced that expensive dogs are dumb. Mutts have good sense. They understand that they have to be good. They have to poop in appropriate places, they hav to eat whatever they get, and they cant chase the resident seventeen-year-old cat. Unfortunately, I didnt have a mutt; I had an expensive dog."
Yesterday I Cried by Iyanla Vanzant

A good book - I must say. But let me also say that all the answers aren't found in books - but within. Sometimes we look up, Sometimes we look down - we look at our hands (palms), we look to the stars (astrology), to mommie or daddy, to the sterotypical problem (ex. the white man, the black man or the china man)...
I'm tired of looking
Come out - Come out where ever you are
Funny - how I think the answer is hidding from me

In wrapping this up - because I cant keep making all these submial statements -

Numbness

Numbness -
Today I feel numbness, which for me is one step away from being tired.
Tired - (meaning) - that's it... I cant do this anymore.

(Freestyling)
Its 8:36pm - where are you?
You're never with me around this time
You're never here - to bring me peace of mind.
What the fuck am I waiting here for?

Is it June?
Most people wait for June

Is it morning
Most people wait for the day to be over

Is it love
Most people want love
I want love -
But I aint most people

People
I hate being refered to as "people"

I'm a person
an individual
Call me by name
or dont call me at all

I wouldnt even mind if you said
You
at least I would know who you are talking to

All the people in this world
and you think I know that - when you say "people"
you're talking about me

Next subject
why-O-why
are we still dealing
with crazy, petty, nid-picking subjects
that make me want to scream
I want to scream
but the words on the paper
dont make the kind of sounds
I want you to hear

I want you to hear
and
listen
and not just say okay

Today -
I had such a long day...
Had a million & one things
not go my way
but I still Thank God for Today

Tomorrow
cant plan it
gonna make it
until tomorrow
I'll just pace it
like I always do...

That's it
gotta end this

Im rambling now
How did I begin this

Oh
it was you
it was you that made me wonder
why I sit here
as if my whole life is under
construction
like the sign on my webpage reads
"come back soon"

Friday, April 06, 2007

Is What I Want - also What I need