Monday, May 29, 2006

yada yada yada

Now its even hard to have random thoughts
Scattered thoughts
Thoughts about nothing -
Thoughts about something-
Thoughts about anything-
Thoughts about Me?

a monthly apprasial
a weekly evaluation
Check my breast for lumps
Check my heart for tears
for breakage
for weakness

Now its even hard to eat right
What's good?
What's not?
Ive seem to forgot
Why does everything have a disadvantage
a symptom?
Home remedies for the common cold
that will never go away
save your pennies
for a rainy day

Go for long walks
but look over your shoulder
a smiling face - does say - what the mind is thinking

Random thoughts - keep my eyes from blinking
Drink coffee to keep from sleeping
although
it'll put u to sleep
if its boring enuf
...my soul to keep

if its doesnt make sense
brush yourself off and try again
if he's not your lover - he's a special friend

Scattered thoughts
about the world
my thoughts -
boy meets girl
boy likes girl
boy loves girl
girl finds it interesting
girl considers many things
when to fall of love of course
when it happens
Scattered thoughts
- whats suppose to happen?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

My personal Journal Entry

May 25, 2006

I am my father's child - although I thought the saying was - I am my mother's child (especially growing up). Its amazing how you can not be around someone and still have their DNA affect you. I never confessed I didnt want to be like him. I actually remember saying that about my mother more. And, here I am with characteristics I cant explain because I dont really know that person and HE - dont know me either.

Yesterday, I wondered why Im reaching for a hand thats not there. Lack of a male role model (I suppose) that everyone doesnt have.

Most people (stronger people) have gotten over most of this by now... But, I find myself being VERY narrative - because too often I wish I could share my true thoughts and not have them edited by fellow listeners - Saying "dont you mean..."

I wish I could really answer that question - because by the time it comes out of my mouth and If you dont get whats coming out of my mouth - Even I, dont know (now...) what I really meant to say.

My handwritting is messy - does everything have to be perfect? (Yes, thats a question)

Recently, Ive been wanting to be alone only to be by myself and realize that its too quiet in my house ( I can hear all the noises now)

What do I really want? (Repeat question - until answer is give...Hint - Hint.. GOD)

Okay, so I got the information - What to do now?
(Hmm... How to process)

Ive been walking around with a bad attitude -
I guess I need to have a long sit down conversation with my flesh - obvisiously she didnt get the memo (your no longer in charge)

Hebrews 11 :6 But without faith it is impossible to please him...

Wow... who is this girl - who moves back and forth - in between the lines

P.S. my feelings are not my actions