Saturday, October 29, 2005

Where are you????

Hey Nia - Where the hell are you...?


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Always in the center of things

I failed to mention Bob in my previous blogs - but he is responsible for all my pictures thus far - the pictures of me "modeling" & this one - which shows Renee, Me & Ki (my small/BIG sis) at Sequoia's this year 2005 - my birthday - check out the smile - we get it from our mother -LOL!
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Happy Birthday Cousin

Happy Birthday Aaron!!!!



{Picture}Cousin Aaron (we wont say what I use to call you) - Me & Brother Kruze
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Friday, October 28, 2005

Cam'ron

I dedicate this blog to Cam'ron
Thank You Cam
Thank You New Yorker's
Thank You Panamaians
Thank You Howard University Homecoming 2005
Thank You Abdul & the security Staff at H2o for not letting Cam & his 30-crew entourage in...
Thank You Washington D.C.
Thank You Howard University Hospital
& Thank You - to the carjackers that did a "sloppy" job - the nigga still has his Jew-els...
Killa
p.s. the album drops next month - Cam - you owe me for this one -LOL
p.s. - I would like to thank all the little people - that helped me get here

Saturday, October 22, 2005

TWENTY TRUTHS TO REMEMBER

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
(I think Im a master at staying calm - I got it from my mother)

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
(flexibilty - well I use to dance so Im pretty flexible- now I practice yoga - who would think that something so simple - could give you strength)

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still. So He can untangle the knot. (easier said than done for me - I have trouble saying in the house)

6. Do the math. Count your blessings. (that will take a lifetime)

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts. (I hear that!)

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me...

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people. (then that would be me - since I live by myself)

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.(hey...)

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Teaching about Money and Possessions

Teaching about Money and Possessions

Jesus said...
"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food to eat or clothes to wear.
For life consists of far more than food and clothing.
Look at the ravens. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them... And you are far more valuable to him than any birds!
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not!
And if worry can't do little things like that, what's the use of worrying over bigger things?

Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?
You have so little faith! And don't worry about food--what to eat and drink. Don't worry whether God will provide it for you.
These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs.
He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.
So don't be afraid, little flock.
For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.

Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be.

Random thoughts

So they say I think a lot - okay... I can accept that
Why not
We are all in this universe - with all the answers right in front of our freaking faces
How about that?
How - almost cruel is that?
We are making it more than it is
& its that simple
I choose the path - that others question
the road is dark
& the only light is the candle I hold -that wont go out

(By the way I am Hamani - The holy flame)

not even if you blow me (it)
you keep blowing me with your rules

People want to see you succeed & then they want to see you fail
-Such is life-
When Im successful
You'll be asking me how I did it
Then you'll say to yourself - I could have did that
Then you'll say - she aint all that...
& maybe Im not -
But then - why do you keep looking up to me?

Pay - No attention to me while Im thinking
Im as random & the DC Lottery
Right now Im making - absolutely no sense
But you can relate...

Im finished...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Dont - Soca Tease Me...


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Still yawning...

When I woke up this morning - I snoozed AT- LEAST 4 times - I just didnt want to get up - with the cold air & my comfortable blanket - I could have stayed in that bed all day long...
But I got up -
because for the past 4-5 Sunday's I have been making my way to the 8am service & I havent been disappointed - not one bit...
I figured that if I am faithful with God he -will continue to be faithful with me
Well... those are the kinds of things I tell myself to keep me motivated anyhow -
Be-Cause everything is a choice!

(These are the choices Ive made so far today)

After church -
Then I went to Starbucks & finally brought some coffee beans (#-1) - Ive been rushing out of the house - going to Starbucks - during the morning rush hour - standing in line like some kind of junkie - waiting for my Vanilla, X-tra hot, X-tra foam, Cappuccino...
(this is my recent craving for coffee...)
but maybe now I can save money by only brewing it at home
Silly thing is that I have a coffee maker, an expresso machine & a coffe grinder at my house - & yet I pay someone else to do the work that i can accomplish in 10 mins...
Now thats laziness - perhaps

As I left Starbucks - wishing I was sitting outside - enjoying the cool, breeze, writing a funny story on an apple laptop - about the people walking by...
Its Sunday - and in Dupont Circle - anything can happen...

Today is one of my thinking days
Im reflecting on this past week
looking at the beautiful flowers I brought earlier today (#2)
Encouraging myself to drink all 8 - 10 glasses of water (#3)
& pushing myself - to a higher expectancy of life (#4)
... I Just Wanna Be a Make it Happen Girl!!! (#5)

But Im still yawning...
Only thing is -
more sleep
only make me
more of a dreamer
but when I wake up
Im still in this crazy world

Im still sitting on the edge of my bed
and my brain
is telling my body to get up and move

Im still waiting for the hot shower
to get hot
and the coffee
to brew

Im planning out my day
when my morning is almost through
(#6 - free-style poem)



P.S. Some people make things happen - Some people watch things happen & Some people ask...What just happen?
What kind of person are you?

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Lick it -hahahahaha


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You wanna piece of me...

Ive been told I play hard to get -



but it should be hard... to get me




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Im in denial - but technically Im out here doing dating survey's

Where do I begin...................................

I feel like Ive been dating endlessly -
I feel like I keep meeting all these different (guys) people & I am truly amaze...

Funny thing is that Im not "looking" for anyone- but dont you know thats when they come looking for you...
So far...
In my world

Ice Cream Guy -
This is a decription of a dude who is soooooo self endulged he truly thought I would fall for the - "I dont really go out" speech (not to mention I met him - out at a social event!)
An excuse - for him to want to entertain me at his house -
I dont think so!
You should see the smile or shall I say smirk on his face everytime he mentions - himself
everything he has - the diamonds, the furs, the mamogrammed suits, the 2006 coupe benz, how much money he'll make this month, the house he's getting built, the chips he's maded, the honies he's slayed... yada - yada - yada
& the nigga wanted me to believe that he wasnt arrogant -
He is the the ice cream guy - because that was his plan on the first date
- to spend as little money on me as possible
Now dont get me wrong - Ive gone out on plenty of dates - and there are some dates that Ive compromised - not really wanting the guy to spend lavishly on me
- but this nigga - needed to be broken -
and thus I realized after about 4 weeks he was wasting my time
& I kindly put his name under the "dont answer" catergory


Close to my birthday I had the priviledge of dating a Shy Brother..
He lasted 2 weeks after a sour first day...
& When I say sour - I mean the brother couldnt buy a clue from Vanna White or Ke-Ke Sheppard
I guess he called himself winning me over...
He hadnt been in a relationship in 2-years (red-flag)
& he wanted to try a relationship with me...
(I immediately put up - my red-flag - to save him from being disappointed)
Men ask me too often -
"what are you doing single" -
well Im shocked & appauled -
how else was I suppose to meet you
I laugh
Because that is a line - single men should stop asking
dont look for the problem
guess what - its a possibility that - I am very selective and dont have time for B.S. relationships

Back to Shy Brother - I refused to accept the gift he brought me for my birthday
- figuring that I would just throw it away
Im clearly not interested in a man - that cant be "the man"
(everyone needs a little shaking sometimes)

Ive dated two older men (bare with me - they were not that old)
& so to balance things out - I tried to date 2 younger guys
These little boys - dont know who they are dealing with -LOL!
First, one of the young men - who was referred to me by my cousin Fabric - asked me... if I wanted to order pizza - huh????

I said - no hun - I rarely eat pizza & if I did - I would probably order it for myself (by the way did you catch that Ima grown A.... woman- LOL!) so then I said - look hun Im used to being taken out - so I will go get some dinner & call you when Im finish...
he sent me a text message a week later - asking me if I was finished
My other young boy - is some what a boy toy (silly rabbit - tricks are for kids)
He has probably dated a much older woman before & enjoyed being spoiled sexually, getting some gifts, home cooked meals and not being stressed about where he was & who he was with
Me Im the opposite - Im not cooking you no meals - my vagina is not open 24-hours a day - 7 days a week, and by the way dont think Im going to be cool with having sex with you just because Im older and Im not tripping off of stuff like that, AND...Lastly - the whole thing about females being more mature than males - is VERY true!!!

Most women fall for a thug
But as for me - Im not an ordinary female

I respect a thug - but for the most part - a thug can only be my friend...
I dont have nothing in common with you & thats enough said
MY definition of a thug: making his money the wrong way


Mr Show - Off
Actually I have met him in different forms at least a thousand times
He is so cookie cutter & wants me to comply
Sorry Honnie - at this time Im not accepting applications - the position has been filled with reruns of - Everybody Loves Raymond..

Lastly - Friends How many of us Have Them:
Even though I could go on - I want to talk about the guy thats trying to be my "friend"
This is the best approach ever
because ladies - what can you say?
how can you shoot down a man that is sincerely trying to be your "friend"
Take notes:
A friend is NOT trying to kiss me
A friend is interested in what Im doing
A friend loves me for me
A friend is NOT constantly checking out my assets
A friend is NOT trying to sleep with me
A friend doesnt mind if I meet their mama or other family members - because that "friend"wants the people close to them to know who they're friends are
A friend is considerate
A friend is some one you can talk to about anything (including another nigga -LOL!)
A friend will be there in good times and bad
A friend has your back
Let me stop ....
You get my point!

I titled this blog - Im in denial because Im out here doing dating survey's because I realized - Im gathering a lot of information
(Smurf remember when I jokingly said we should go out and do some speed dating)

Im NOT afraid of a relationship that will offer me RESPECT! LOVE! PASSION!LOYALITY! and keep me SMILING... (& thats my 5)
Im NOT afraid of being hurt - it wont be my first and it probably wont be my last
Most things I was afraid of - when I weighed my fears with what I was willing to risk - it didnt measure up
What you are willing to risk for the betterment of yourself is always worth it!

p.s. here is where you always lose me - you say you like me for me - but you dont even know me

Shh...


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Friday, October 07, 2005

ONE is a magic number?

Ive never really admitted this but... I hate being alone & I was talking to Bah about it & he was like - you mean the
"you need a warm body laying next to you all the time - alone-ness"
Maybe
sometimes
& then other times - I just want to be around some one interesting
having a conversation about nothing - that turns into something
I love it - when Im able to get that from a guy (take notes)
its so rare
I hated when guys say that they are not "phone people"
my last 2 boyfriends were like that -
& here I am
single by choice again
because the conversations got shorter & shorter
until one day - we just said nothing to each other
(& started smiling) -
like what the hell are you looking at me for - I dont have nothing to say to you
I was surprised
when I went out with this guy recently - he said something that sparked a conversation
in my mind - I was like wow
this is not your average -"how was your day"
dont get me wrong - I know that men need to "act" concerned or they appear - not interested (to us women)
but as for me
I respect real-ness
(Real recognizes real & your looking familar)
so if your not real
if your not concerned
dont let me go on & on -in my long explanations about ...nothing
(because its all nothing to you)

I sometimes feel alone - when I get boried
Knowing that I clearly have many things to do (Im avoiding them)
I could...No should.. be using my time wisely -
but my boredum takes over & I looking for company
funny thing is that I really dont want "just anyone" to get close to me
not because Ive been hurt
- I mean come on now -
everyone has
but Im so immune to "real love" (Mary J. Blige)
now adays - I can meet someone - it will be love at first sight -
only to find out - a date later - that person is not anyone I am interested in knowing longer than the few conversations we had on the phone & the one bor-ring - dinner date
Let me just say - I dont even cook - I have so many "trial meals"
Hey Smurf - Im the real live version of how to lose I guy in 21 days - except - I end up deleting their number & never returning their calls...

Back to being "lonely"
that awful word -
some people are lonely (& miserable) - even when they have someone at home - to go home too...

I said that to a friend - last week
reminding him - that even if -he hates his situation
he doesnt "have to" sleep alone
I sleep alone & on most days - I enjoy - not having to share my space
Thank GOD! for body pillows & cool nights that allow me to bundle in my down comforter
but somehow - its just not the same as - someone rubbing your back
& oh - how I miss "spoonin"

There's just me...
One is the magic number
If I add myself unto myself multiplied times
You and yours and you again
There's just me
And if I divide 8 billion, 48 trillion, 98 zillion
There is, there is just me
If I subtract one plus me to the 5th degree,
Use any theorem
There's just me

There's just me...One is the magic number
http://www.lyricsondemand.com/j/jillscottlyrics/oneisthemagicnumberlyrics.html

P.s. This week's project - work on subtracting

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I boycotted Erykah Badu - for about 5 years...

Many of you - may or may not know this - but I boycotted Erykah Badu for about 5 years... As much as I love her music - I refused to listen to it...
The reason why (& the only person I have to back this entire story up - is Shiminege cause she actually was there):
A girl, I called friend - invited me to her house in New York for spring break in my freshman year in college.
The three days I was there - I was partically starved (now your probably asking yourself - how can anyone starve you) - They starved me by #1 - not having any food in there house; #2- Not taking me anywhere or being close enough to buy food, when I would ask for food - I was ... finally given an apple (after the 2nd day) - with some pills - or the infamous - green drink - which was suppose to "cleanse me"... I guess then - was slowly being broken down - to weakness - (because they needed my mind to be weak).
Honestly - whenever we went out - there was no food place around - or there wasnt enough time to go - cause we were going somewhere else - (its really hard to explain the whole not eating thing - maybe Shiminege can add to the story - where I left out) ...when we got there we were hungry as shit and hamani's friend acted like she didn't give a damn that we were even coming to visit her, so one of her friends another girl that went to school with us took us to this place where we got soul food (I can't remember if the food was good or not but I do remember that was our only meal for the entire trip!) then we had planned to go to the club, again the girl we came to visit didn't want to go anywhere and was going to send us off with like 4 Brooklyn Grimmey chics......hell no her ass got up and came thanks to Hamani's sassiness, They stiffed for the taxi bill but I am getting off the subject........so the next morning we were invited to this graduatoion where Hamani had to take three pills, and the mother "Queen Afua" presented us with this greenish blackish thick bark like looking drink and told us it will help cleanse us.....we looked at each other and said "I aint drinking that" I thought they were trying to posion us..then on the ride to the graduation we were given an apple and Orange..mind you it is Sunday or Saturday morning and the grandparents who live downstairs was cooking bacon and eggs I wanted some of that!!!! Shoot!.......Whew what a trip I could go on and on but maybe I will make another appearance.....we wrote poems about the trip..Hamani and me (Shiminege) I will post them soon....peace.
The Graduation:
We spent 5 hours - (hungry) in a gradution - On a Saturday/Sunday morning... mind you - we just came from the club the night before - WE had to go to this gradutation - we said we were hungry & I think thats when I was given the green drink - me & Shiminege were given clothes that we "had" to wear at this graduation... (quick note - only me & Shiminege went -not my so called "friend") - When the graduation begun - my "friend's" mom & dad - came into the room & everybody - BOWED ---- whoa............
I dont bow to know one - so me & Shiminege - didnt know what to do - sitting there on our knees (but not our heads down)- we watched people bow to a regular man & a regular woman - but to them - they were King & Queen...
Im not sure what his name was - but if you have ever heard of "Queen Afua" - she is Erykah Badu's Spiritual mother (she even says it in interviews & if you ever saw her video Bag Lady - that was done in front of her house). The cermony began with chanting - of the Ankh - the complete rotation of the circle of the Ankh - (quick note - if you've ever been to an Erkyah Badu concert or listen to her 1st CD closely - she basically preaches about the Ankh). To make a short story out of this whole graduation - it was bringing together - 2 of the same kind - almost like a wedding - they were bringing together 2 Pisces... cause in there cult - you have to be matched up with with a compatable partner
I later discovered that I am a target to these kind of people/cults/organizations...
I some how exhibited the kind of behavoir that they were looking for
i.e. Im a Leo - im on the cusp which means I have dual citzenship - (no just kidding) but I could be both a Leo & a Virgo (yuck-LOL), Im the seventh child, my name has 9 letters, my grandma is an only child, & my great-grandma is an indian...& who know what she was doing - (she died before me or my mom met her).

One time me and Sandy were shopping in Georgetown & she wanted me (or shall I say us) to get our palms read
No way...
Im nervous & I would rather not know (we didnt end up doing it because the lady wasnt available or taking appointment or something...I was relieved)

its bad enough
that I have an unexplainable scar on my right hand -

Anyhow - I think the girl says a lot of good shh... But then again - she sure has messed a lot of dudes up (Andre, Common) in the process

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

When a Black Cat crosses your path...

Within the past 1-2 weeks Ive had 2 different black cats cross my path -
What does that mean... Oh nothing really -
only if I give it meaning will it actually affect me
(this is how I got off reading horoscopes)

Funny thing is that I use to date a guy - who was sooooooo supersticious -
he would literally STOP! - go in the other direction - avoid the "path", or if necessary - do 6 spins - while dropping down & getting his eagle on - before going in the direction of the cat....
Dummy...
First mistake is that society wants us to believe that anything that is black is bad
(ladies and gentlemen - this is the basis from which we justify racism)

Anyhow - when I crossed the path - I reversed it
Changing my thoughts to - it comes to bring me some good...

And we can literally do that
Change our minds
Change our thoughts
Make up in our mind - how WE want a situation to go -
instead of allowing the situation to dictate the results
Expect the best & it will happen

P.S. My Mama told me if you have nothing good to say - then dont say nothing at all...
But how often do we practice this?
Most importantly - How often do we practice speaking good over ourselves...

...Give you self a compliment today

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Untitled

Me and Smurf - spent about 30 mins on the phone - on the Net - looking for our numerology number... why did we do this you may ask - just because...
But dont get mad at me - because I was searching - people do it in many different ways
We search through relationships
We search through jobs
We search for our selves through education
We search through GOD and other forms of spirtuality
We want answers
We want signs
a freaking burning bush

We think we know how to read signs
So - I guess - when the letters got to difficult to read - some body gave me/us a number

WHAT IS NUMEROLOGY?
Numerology is the study of the symbolism of numbers. It is used to determine a person’s personality, strengths and talents, obstacles to be overcome, inner needs, emotional reactions and ways of dealing with others.
I was suppose to add my birthdate 8 - 21 - 1979 and get a number - I did the number is
1 - go figure...
But it dont mean nothing more than - I already knew about themselves - so good thing I didnt pay for this information - that would have been real stupid.... LOL!

INCOMPLETE.......

I almost didnt publish this post -because my mom or my god-mother wouldnt want me to promote this kind of "soul searching"
&
I dont want to promote it either
I dont want to promote a person figuring out their life plan by consulting mediums...
If you truly want to know who you are and what you are to be - then you need to not add your birth day with your birth year- times pie to the 6th power

all you need to do is ask GOD

To Be or Not to Be - Dismayed -

The verb dismay has 2 meanings:
Meaning #1: lower someone's spirits; make downhearted
Meaning #2: fill with apprehension or alarm; cause to be unpleasantly surprised

Have you ever jokingly heard or said to someone -
Is this YOU or your representative?

This term comes from - what I've recently felt from some of the people Ive met...
& I am easily dismayed when they show me - who they really are?

Maybe we are all too over-protective of our "real" selves - believing that -
all our silly, goofy, immature, underdeveloped and sometimes illractional behavoirs
- will push people away
OH how, I look into the mirror - oh too often - popping pimples and blackheads - that only I see under my microscope
and what is beauty anyway?
if the scale range is skin deep

I talk to my friend Bah (not very often but..) I told him that everytime I talk to him
- I feel good..
and its oh - so true -
we always say something to each other that we need
on the other hand- I find myself explaining my behavoir to other friends (that I dont talk to very often)
- hoping that they would just "get that" -
Out of sight for me (in regards to them) is NOT - out of mind-
hoping that they would get that...
Im an out of the box thinker -
always have - always will be
I expect to be great - and wont take being average as an option
(sorrie for getting off the subject)

At this point in my life - I would only like to schedule a relationship in - at MY convenience
I dont have time - for other people to waste my time
Yet they still do it - all the time
(and I have only me to blame)

I deleted someone recently & I can say this - because they have and never will read this blog...
But I was pacifying a situation - that was - what it was (nothing with a potential)
- and how often do we do this -
look at the situation -
but not really looking at the situation
only to be surprised by the situation
playing ourselves
dismaying ourselves
So when I when I remembered this word
from a vocabulary list in school
I guess - I not only recalled the definition - but also the lesson..