To Be or Not to Be - Dismayed -

The verb dismay has 2 meanings:
Meaning #1: lower someone's spirits; make downhearted
Meaning #2: fill with apprehension or alarm; cause to be unpleasantly surprised

Have you ever jokingly heard or said to someone -
Is this YOU or your representative?

This term comes from - what I've recently felt from some of the people Ive met...
& I am easily dismayed when they show me - who they really are?

Maybe we are all too over-protective of our "real" selves - believing that -
all our silly, goofy, immature, underdeveloped and sometimes illractional behavoirs
- will push people away
OH how, I look into the mirror - oh too often - popping pimples and blackheads - that only I see under my microscope
and what is beauty anyway?
if the scale range is skin deep

I talk to my friend Bah (not very often but..) I told him that everytime I talk to him
- I feel good..
and its oh - so true -
we always say something to each other that we need
on the other hand- I find myself explaining my behavoir to other friends (that I dont talk to very often)
- hoping that they would just "get that" -
Out of sight for me (in regards to them) is NOT - out of mind-
hoping that they would get that...
Im an out of the box thinker -
always have - always will be
I expect to be great - and wont take being average as an option
(sorrie for getting off the subject)

At this point in my life - I would only like to schedule a relationship in - at MY convenience
I dont have time - for other people to waste my time
Yet they still do it - all the time
(and I have only me to blame)

I deleted someone recently & I can say this - because they have and never will read this blog...
But I was pacifying a situation - that was - what it was (nothing with a potential)
- and how often do we do this -
look at the situation -
but not really looking at the situation
only to be surprised by the situation
playing ourselves
dismaying ourselves
So when I when I remembered this word
from a vocabulary list in school
I guess - I not only recalled the definition - but also the lesson..