The world seems so far away

The world seems so far away as I look at it through my near-sighted eyes. And who would of thought (surely not me) that I would need to see things so close up or with additional assistance.

I received this picture today - among other beautiful pictures from someone I thought I would be calling my sister-in-law.
Again, I say - the world seems so far away
and my new desire is to not even look that far (away)

I've been blessed with many things - but saying how I feel when I feel it is definetly not one of them.
If someone - anyone could see the process that I go through to define, catergorize or understanding what Im thinking or feeling. They would wait to see me reveal - what Im thinking or feeling (hopefully with patience).

Much too complicated - I find myself making smart remarks to people who disappoint me and/or piss me off. Its like my answer to them is to be cynical
By the time I realize what has really bothered me - it time for me to pull out my list of smart ass comments and fire away....

Its 6:41pm & I will be able to leave the office (somewhat early today). I am glad that my sister-in-law is back (in the office) but Im still completely able to take that trip to "pleasure town" (as of yet).

State of Being for the day: Moody and Werid

Moody because - I just dont want to be bothered. My phone rings & because I dont want to be nasty, I answer "some" calls. I realize that answer certain calls are a waste of my time and I really have nothing to say & so I go into silence as I think what a dumb conversation we are NOT having. I wait 2-5 minutes and talk about reading a book (however, its not a lie - but definetly a preference than being on the phone). Im moody because so many people want to have access to me and I think its a little selffish of them. Im moody beacause, I wish I had something to say and someone to say it to. Im moody because Im trying to stop drinking so much coffee - but its hard. Im moody because some body moved my cheese (no really) some body moved my lime juice that I've been using to put in my water. Im moody because I dont know how to sleep anymore - I used to sleep heavy, I used to relax - now Im so darn anxious. Im moody because I want to go somewhere - but dont know where and it bothers me that I can make a decision about something so simple. Im moody because I dont even know when is the next time Im going to have sex. Im moody...

Weird because I cant put my finger on it - but I know its there, I practically see it but cant get close enough to it.

I now have 8 minutes before I leave this place today and its weird that I actually get to leave this place early