Life Lessons and Rules

Life's Lessons and Rules:
Earlier today - I over heard myself tell a friend my age (28) and it suddenly dawned on me that I am indeed getting older
It actually was someone of a shock to me as I am so use to people thinking that I am younger or being the youngest individual in the group

Most of my clients think that I've just graduated from high school or college if I'm lucky
I don't have any children which seems to make you older or wiser in someone elses eyes
Then I'm not married - which some people think is another sign of maturity- being able to commit to something and/or someone

I recall my old boss saying to me "I wish you were married or had children because then I would feel you would "need this job" and stay"

Yes - she (I had a female boss) actually said this to me
and I was dumbfounded

What the heck?

I presently think that its potentially MORE difficult taking care of yourself - especially when society set up to help people who have families

Needless to say - this has been happening to me my whole life
I am the youngest of SEVEN siblings and all of them - are opinionated and would love to tell me what to do

So, I think this has put me on the defense when I run into others who may feel prone to instruct me in areas that they assume I need help in
I am presently not denying any help
Just evaluating the fact that most people think that I'm not smart enough to make a "mature" decision on my own
So this where I think (and I mean think hard)
where did I go wrong
what did I say or NOT say to make YOU think that
I know
its my fault
I didn't give you all the details
and honestly - I have a tendency to do this a lot

My own secret trust issues - that makes me hold information inside of me - until I can come up with an ideal solution

I see people make all kind of dumb decisions daily
and yet
because I'm not married
because I don't have children
because people don't see the gray hair - that has taken shape in the form of an eye lash
am I NOT where I should be
Suddenly - I'm a young (dumb) blonde
hmmm....

I tell you - I have never felt or heard the clock ticking as I did today
Suddenly, I am rushing to buy a house
Suddenly, I am rushing to find a soul mate
Suddenly, I am rushing to have children and have my body go through all kinds of changes
Suddenly, I am rushing to die (retirement fun, insurance policy, 401k)
I'm rushing
Running a freggin marathon
but I'm not living
I'm just working hard
and I'm not enjoying a damn thing about my life right now

I read a book once called Black Girl in Paris
perfect title for me
perfect book for me
(Black girl moves to Paris to pursue a writing career - blah, blah blah- see what I mean)

In the book, the author made several profound statements that I sometimes quote (depending on the situation):

A bomb will kill U instantly - Love will make U wish you were dead
(don't know why - but I connected with that statement)

Anyhow - another thing she said was:
"Make rules and break them"

Huh?

What sense does that make?
Actually take out the time to come up with a standard, rule, or condition and then arbitrary break it!
Funny thing about this - is that I USED to think this was pretty cool

Now, I'm starting to think in my old age (LOL)
this is not going work well

Because I happen to know people who live by codes, rules and standards that they don't break for no body
Not even their own momma
and so -
I'm very tempted to try it
a different way
(definition of insanity: doing the same thing and expect different results)

Develop some rules
somethings that I will not do
so far here are 5 rules I've come up with (to start):

I will not date a person for more than 2 years - if it isn't going anywhere by the 2 year mark - its not going to go anywhere and I'm simply spinning my wheels

I will compromise in certain areas - but I will not change: the way I think or who I am

I will accept your first answer as your truest answer

I will not be afraid to say no or hurt your feelings

I will pray about things I don't understand and let go and let God