If it hurts me to help you - I wont do it!

What do I want to talk about....? Funny - when im on the plane - Im taking papertowels to jot down possible ideas for blogs ---
ok...
Not too long ago - I had a friend - I dont think I did everything I was suppose to do in that relationship - I dont think I was true to the purpose I was suppose to forfill in that realtionship - I dont think I was true to me - at times... but thats what I do - I try to please the other person - because I feel they need it more than me...
I wanted to make up for the last person that hurt them
I wanted to show them its ok... to trust
I think I messed this up - just because - at times - I wasnt being realistic...
It hurt me sometimes - to give - knowing that I wasnt on the top of "their" list
It hurt me sometimes - love - knowing that - they couldnt and maybe didnt want to love me the way I wanted to love them...
So this friend - I am now upset with them - well actually - I was probably really upset with them for a day & a half & after that - Im over it... but I get into this mood where I have nothing to say... (Im Numb)...
So anyhow I just wanted to say that - we should always be true to ourselves...
"as I was told" - by some wise ole man -LOL!
if it hurts me - to help you - I wont do it....!!!!
Im hurt - but Im actually loving the pain now - its like turbulence - you start to get use to it & on a rainy day - you expect it to come...