If GOD called you - would you recognize his number

Some how - my blogs became the evening news:
Venting out anger & negativity (especially towards men)- I forgot to highlight - all the good in the world - all the good I see in people - all the hope I feel - all the love Ive received, created & hope to create- the sun - the moon - the stars - loving everything thats beautiful - taking a step back to breathe - cause unlike some... I can breathe & eat on my own & walk and hear & see & do anything I put my mind to...

Some people are born a Jew or Muslim - I was born a Christian - though we lived in the ghetto - my mom had the neighborhood kids eagerly coming to our house for bible study & it was always full... people always wanted to come & people always thought our family was doin it, cause we had "stuff"- but also, shared a lot...

Being a Christian growing up - I didnt think much of it - going to church on Sunday's, revivals in the summer, bible study... whenever, going to choir practice with my mom - it was my lively hood & I was happy to be out of the house.
Now that Im an adult - my relationship with GOD - is an ever changing one.
I LOVE God - but like a disobedient child - I feel like I am constantly - disappointing GOD with my life... & its not just sex - to me its more than that - I feel that Im not maximizing my potential because I cant even see myself the way GOD sees me.
Among other things, I believe in Karma - which is also in the bible & common sense - that, what you give to others - you also receive.
I believe in fate - which is also in the bible - that GOD has a plan for our lives & though we may plan to be doctors... we cant seem to kill the urge to be a school teacher
& its funny that I say that - cause sometimes - our calling & our source of revenue (making it big) - is not always in the most obvious money making scheme...(this is one of the reasons why I dont do - the Lotto/Powerball/Megaball...whatever)

Now adays - there are so many people getting into real estate - about 8 years ago - it was tech-stocks... Not to say that real estate isnt a good investment - but one thing I belive GOD wants us to do is be different & take risks...
Im struggling with that - Ive been struggling with that... & have no idea what Im scare of.

Ok - this is not a sermon - cause...who am I to preach - I drink a glass a wine everyday (faithfully) - I occassional swear - Ive lied to get more money on taxes - Ive smoked a joint in my day (yes... I enhaled), Im a recovered night club junky - Im a frequent fornicator... and anything else that makes me not perfect...

Its funny - I thought of the title in the middle of writing this (because I really didnt have that much to say - today - or atleast I thought)... But I wrote a poem about a year ago & read it at Bar Nun... lets see - I remember one part of the poem going like this:

I feel like Ive been called -
but I wont pick up the phone
because the caller i.d.
reads -
private number - unavailable - out of the area

p.s. are you screening your calls?